I've been thinking a lot lately about change and then something that came to my mind is the change in me in the past 2 years. In 2006 my only New Years Resolution was to love myself... no matter what. So along with that I also lost about 25 lbs during 2006. Then in 2007 I continued my weight loss journey off and on and lost another 25 lbs by July 2007. I made it to my Weight Watchers goal weight and felt great! (And I still do!)... BUT after making my WW goal, I slacked off and didn't follow the program so well. I didn't gain any of the weight back, but started to feel "icky"... not healthy like when I'm conscious of what I'm doing. My life was crazy from about Nov-Jan and then just recently I got to thinking about my weight and my body and what I want for ME. Sound selfish? No, it's not because if you don't take care of yourself, what good will you be to others? You need to make sure that you are happy so that you can focus on the things that are going on around you and that you have the emotional stability to carry you through whatever life throws at you. Life has thrown a lot at me lately and I've been depressed again, so this past week I re-evaluated my life and asked myself... Why have I lost weight? Who am I doing this for? Is it really important to me, or am I only doing it for someone else? Then I thought about how busy my life seems to be and came up with excuses as why I shouldn't go to the gym or eat good... Well... after much thought and fighting myself, I have decided to go to the gym and eat good and finish up my weight loss... and it's only for me. I know the change I have made in myself will only last if it's for me and me alone. So, my friends and family, if I dog out on something because I need to go to the gym, please don't make me feel bad. Cheer me on... and I will try to find the balance between everything that I have to do, but for now I'm focusing on me and my health. Both physical and emotional. I don't know how many of you know this, but I suffer from depression pretty bad. I use to be medicated for it, but when I got pregnant with Macee I didn't want to take meds, so I took myself off and tried new things to make me "happy". The one thing that I found was that saying no when I really didn't want to do something and trying to slow down my life and not have such a full schedule really helped. I started to hang out more with Fawn (thanks my friend) and that gave me an out and it was something that I enjoyed doing. So... my point to all this rambling (I think there is one...) is that change is good if you are in the right mind set to do so, but don't change for someone, only do it for YOU and when YOU are ready to do it. Change doesn't stick if you really don't want to change. So... I'm ready to keep myself the way I am and be the person I've found over the past couple years. My family is important to me as well as my friends... I love each and every one of you. Thanks for your love and support through my journey of finding ME. I couldn't have done it without the support (especially my hubby CHUCK... love you!!!) of each of you. Here's a couple of pics I wanted to share with you of my before and now pics... The before was Oct 2005 and the other one was today (Feb 13 2008). I don't have many before pics because I hated my pic to be taken, so this is one I found... and now I love to have my pic taken... crazy, huh? And a quote to end... (special thanks to my WW leader for all her support thanks Terri!!!)
"Everything is in the mind. That's where it all starts.
Knowing what you want is the first step towards getting it!"
Mae West
Oh- and one more...
"Persistence is far more important than perfection!"
unknown
3 comments:
GOOD FOR YOU!!! I completely understand where you're coming from with all of what you said. I am finally motivated within myself to take care of my body and really learn to love it--and as a result be healthier and happier. I think in the past, I wanted to lose weight to prove that I was as good (or better than) all of the skinny girls I seemed to be surrounded with--but I just didn't have the determination and motivation within myself. I have started exericising and really watching what I eat and it makes the biggest difference in how I feel about myself and the world.
I loved what you said about finding a balance between what your needs are and what other people want from you. I have learned that balance doesn't mean equal time is given to everything--it means that you feel centered in your own life--and only you can determine what that means for you.
Sorry this is so long--but I have 2 more things to tell you! :) They are things that two of my good friends have said that have really stuck with me. The first friend was in my MTC Branch--and we still keep in contact! Anyway--she was a recovered anorexic. She said that she had to learn to LOVE her body...not the way it looked, but what it could do for her. I've thought about that often. Do I really LOVE my body the way that I should? The other thing was from one of my mission companions. She was almost fanatical about exercising every morning while our other companion and I slept. She told me one day that she HAS to exercise to keep from feeling depressed. The body benefits were secondary to keeping a mental balance through exercise. I have found that this helps me stay on the "up" side of life, instead of slipping on the "down" side.
OK--I'm really sorry for the book! I am seriously impressed with what you have accomplished in the last couple of years. It's a lot of hard work--and you DID it!
k- I really enjoyed reading your thoughts, and I want you to know that I totally support you in your goals also. I also appreciate when you motivate me and get me going again. I guess it was hard for me to read about the part where it said if you don't stick to what you want, then you don't really want it. Because- I do really want it, and haven't stuck to it, but I guess it has just been a bit hard for me lately, but I just have to not have any excuses. And- the truth hurts. So- I just have to pick back up and start all over again. i think i'll go to bed now.
Wow! Looking at your before and after pics gets me totally motivated to start trying again. You are looking great - I'd have made you be with the skinny young married group, except I wanted you with our group like old times!
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